Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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