I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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