Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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