So drunk its hurt
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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