peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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