there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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