maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
