so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
