Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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