We're like a lot better than the average bears
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
