Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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