and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize