My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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