He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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