your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
