I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
