i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Found your dick twin last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
