You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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