i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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