I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
