I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
