If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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