Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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