There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wear drunk well.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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