Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
