Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
