I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish you could order shots online.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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