strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
