Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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