just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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