Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
