o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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