the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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