i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
