The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
