Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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