i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
