I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
