This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
