watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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