im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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