I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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