Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
