Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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