I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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