11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
