Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
