ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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