I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
