I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's blow job season.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
