The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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