There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
