I wish I could punch you in the face.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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