i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
