Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so fucking centered right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
