I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
