I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
