I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize