Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
