Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
