Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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