If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
