this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
