fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
