Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
