is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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