I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize