i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
