Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
