Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
