I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
