I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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