So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
