is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
