I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
