i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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