Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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